The Norm and... well, just the Norm really!

*Comic relief is on and Justin from 'The Darkness' is singing*

Norm: he reminds me of that guy from The Darkness

Me: he is the man from The Darkness

Mum: who did you think he was?

Norm: umm... the man from 'Changing Rooms'!

Mum: Laurence Llewelyn Bowen!?

The Norm and geographical places

Me: I went to visit Barry Island the other day

Norm: who's he?

Me: Barry Island!

Norm: yeh I've never heard of him before

Me Barry ISLAND!!!!

The Norm and The New Covenant

Sets scene: Martyn, Mavis, Maxine, Tessa, Lozza & The Norm are all sat round the table on a Sunday evening at church answering questions about The New Covenant which was this week's bible study.

Martyn: I think the New Covenant requires slightly more than The Old Covenant even though we are covered by grace because in The Old Covenant it says "Do not murder" however in The New Covenant it says "Even if you have anger in your head or thought a thought that is as good as the act itself"

The Norm: When I read that I always think "DAMN"

*Everyone looks at The Norm"

The Norm: Well, no I don't mean "DAMN" I mean "DA.............................. AMN"

*Everyone laughs*

The Norm way to be a dad

Loz: Hi Norm

The Norm: WOAH Loz it's hot in here.

Loz: I know I like the heat - feel my hands.

The Norm: yeah they're cold but you shouldn't have it so hot in here it's bad for the immune system.

Loz: Really? I have a bad immune system.

The Norm: Do you?

Loz: Yeah

The Norm: It's probably because the heat *turns the heater off*

*The Norm then chats on about school for 10mins*

Loz: Norm I think Timmay is waiting for you to do bible study upstair so you better go.

The Norm: ok I'm going *firm strict voice* DO NOT TURN THE HEATER BACK ON.

Loz: *scared* ok dad.

Siblin domestic

The Norm: I can't believe you Gem? You didn't make me dinner so I had to have weetabix

Gem: Well, you can make your own dinner.

The Norm: No you should make me dinner now you're at Uni!

Gem: You could have easily put a pizza IN the oven.

The Norm: No last time I put a pizza IN the oven when getting it OUT of the oven it went all over the floor.

Loz and Gem: So you could have put a pizza IN the oven.

The Norm and stupid questions

Norm: I shower twice a day

Me: You shouldn't shower twice because it dries out your skin

Norm: ah, that's where I'm going wrong, what about if you have a shower and a bath?

Me & mum laugh... lots

Norm: why are you laughing, I still don't know the answer!

The Norm and understanding what he means.

The Norm: I don't care what I say, I am just trying to understand it.

The Norm and Height

Norm: If I didn't have my back I'd be 2 inches taller.

The Norm has a back

The Norm: I was bent before I had a back!